For With God, Nothing Shall Be Impossible

Kathleen’s Story

Written by: Kathleen Johns

It was October when I first noticed a lump that would later become my tumor. It was after stretching one morning upon waking up like I've done a thousand times before that I brushed against my side and felt something that was not there previously. I was not too concerned when I initially found my tumor, I had always been healthy, I was only 46 and I felt good. However, the next two weeks were crazy with numerous doctor’s visits, tests, scans, a surgery to get my treatment port placed, my first chemotherapy consult and the reality of knowing that I have breast cancer. I began to confront this fact that yes, women who have always been healthy, who were young and felt good can get breast cancer and not only breast cancer but a highly aggressive form with no real targeted therapy, triple negative breast cancer. 

First and foremost, my highest priority for this moment in time was the life of my family.  My husband, Chris, had just lost his mother to breast cancer 2 years prior and his stepfather to brain cancer just 6 months before that. I dreaded him having to deal with yet another sick cancer patient as I knew he had already paid his dues with his family and had been through so much.  My three sons were thriving: one in college at the University of Alabama, one a freshman at Mississippi State and a 5th grader at Allendale Elementary.  Their lives were joyful, blessed normal lives and I dreaded the idea that I, the person that couldn’t adore or love them anymore would disturb or destroy the wonderful lives they were building for themselves. I did not want to be a distraction from them being able to just live and be free of the stress and sadness a cancer diagnosis can bring. This thought proved to be my guiding principle; I would not allow my cancer to determine the course of our lives. 

We, The Johns Family, were not going to be defined by this. 

This was my prayer and I placed all of my faith and hope in my family being able to continue thriving and that the Lord would use me as he saw fit while in this journey and provide my family with an overall sense of peace. 

My husband gave me a suggestion, as I absorbed the news, that proved to be the thing that tied me so closely to God and allowed me to see the blessings within this trial.  He thought that maybe I should make a list of all the good things and blessings that were also happening during this time.  I began a list and the list just grew and grew, it was so long and got bigger every day.  The kindness of strangers, friends, nurses, students, doctors and family just poured in all around us.  I cannot impress upon you how many good and kind things happened to us.  One thing I believe for certain is that God supplies angels to serve his children in times when we need them and they were evident each step of this journey we have been on. 

Some of my steadfast angels were my husband, Chris, who cared diligently for me and kept life “normal” for my kids and me.  My best friend, Lisa, who supported me at every doctor appointment, chemo treatment and surgery. From bringing me a chemo present for every visit and filling my home with flowers and balloons on my last day of chemo she was an incredible and a true blessing to me.  My chemotherapy nurse, Claudia, who educated me on all the processes and cared for me every step of the way firmly, honestly and with love.    Of course, my children, Austin, Brandon & Owen who continued to fill my days with funny stories, soccer games, joy and so much love.  

Additionally, sometimes angels came in surprising forms like an 8 year old girl wearing roller skates.   Her name was Gwyneth.  We met at one of my son’s soccer practices as she skated past me a number of times getting closer and closer until I began to worry we were going to have a collision.  Finally, Gwyneth, I did not know her name at the time, skating right up to the back of my chair, patted me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear -  “You’re going to be just fine, I know ‘cuz I did what you did a couple years ago”. It turns out Gwyneth was in recovery from a rare form a cancer. Oh, the faith of a child.       

Recently I have discovered that I have had a recurrence of my breast cancer and now confront chemotherapy, cancer and my future again. I feel the fear of losing the battle and my family having to go through another round of cancer, but I know that God is with me and all of us through it all.  I recently woke up during a mostly sleepless night with the verse “For with God nothing shall be impossible” on repeat in my subconscious.   

I know that that verse is yet another way God gives me the encouragement to live life giving him the glory and seeing the angels all around us that he supplies for every step of this journey. I will attempt to exemplify the same faith I have as his child and to live with intention, faith, hope, and love.