The Fight of my Life
Lauren’s Story
Written by: Lauren Simpson
I really thought I had experienced the worst. We have lost two babies just days after birth, we have experienced terrible illness with my husband, and through all of that we’ve also experienced breaking points in our marriage. In fact, just days before I was given the “C” word diagnosis, I had spoken to over 100 women about overcoming some of the hardest trials in my life while fully relying on God and trusting God to be good even when the circumstances were not.
On February 10, 2020, I received a phone call that changed my life. The week before I had found a lump in my left breast. I was sent for a mammogram and ultrasound which led to an immediate biopsy. The wait was excruciating, and every negative thought raced through my mind. Once I received the call, I knew I was in for the fight of my life. I was in a complete fog. I was immediately sent to a surgeon to schedule a lumpectomy. We had found it early so a lumpectomy and radiation were the recommendation. I proceeded with the lumpectomy as well as taking some lymph nodes to make sure that none of the cancer had started to spread. There were no signs that it had spread, so I assumed we would come out of surgery with the same plan. Unfortunately, after surgery I was called with more news. Three of the six lymph nodes showed cancer cells. Suddenly my 5 weeks of radiation was going to turn into 16 treatments of chemo, followed by 5-6 weeks of radiation. I was assigned an oncologist, and it was off to the races. Everything was happening so quickly. I had a bone and organ scan which revealed NO OTHER CANCER. Even though we had a big fight ahead, I was so relieved to know that the rest of my body was clear.
The next step in my treatment plan was to have a port placed to receive my chemotherapy. It is an outpatient procedure but due to the corona virus, I wasn’t allowed to have anyone inside with me. David dropped me off at the door, and I went in for surgery. After IVs and bloodwork, I was almost ready to be taken back...and then came a bomb that none of us saw coming. Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with a few words that it quite literally knocked the breath out of you? The words I’d just been told, which for some bring incredible joy, brought me sheer terror. “Hi, ma’am, did you know you are pregnant?” Silence filled the room with the two of us. He had to ask me again because I literally could not catch my breath. My mind was spinning, my heart was bubbling up with past emotions and future fears. A few moments later my nurse practitioners from the Breast Center and my surgeon came in, and I was indeed pregnant. I made the call to David that he could come pick me up from the hospital. I really don’t think we spoke for a few hours as we both processed this news. We had no idea what would happen next, but we knew it wouldn’t be easy. The Port procedure was put on hold and by the end of the day I had an ultrasound and 2 follow-up appointments. Being extremely high risk for losing another child and also needing chemotherapy we had some very grueling doctor visits and conversations that I never want to revisit, but, thankfully, I have been blessed with doctors who were prepared to support whatever decision we made.
Our faith is what made the decision for us; we had fought for 7.5 years to grow our family, so we proceeded with our very unexpected pregnancy. To protect the baby, we had to delay chemo until the second trimester. The following 9 weeks were exhausting. Although I had faith, we were being obedient to what God would have us do; there were so many scenarios that could cause extreme danger to both me and the baby. I constantly went between fully trusting God to planning a funeral. I was so eager to start chemo that I literally prayed the days away. I wanted to start kicking cancer’s butt right away, and the anticipation of how chemo would affect me was terrifying. I met with a high-risk Perinatal Doctor in Atlanta, and he recommended doing a cerclage. This would help ensure that my cervix stayed closed and hopefully prevent another preterm delivery. The week before chemo started, I had 2 surgeries, one to perform the cerclage and 1 to place my port. It was an exhausting week, but I was so thankful to be starting the process instead of a sitting through a waiting game.
I have now completed 4 of the 16 rounds of chemo, and I am 22 weeks pregnant. This process is grueling on my body, and most days are more exhausting than I like to admit, but even though it is hard, I am so grateful for this experience. I have grown in so many ways, both spiritually and in my family life. Cancer has changed my perspective on so many things. I have shifted my thought process to include gratitude in every day, no matter the circumstances of the day. We have experienced countless blessings that have proven God to be in every step of this process. I have learned that less is more and having “just what we need” is all we really need. As we continue to walk this journey, I am anxious, eager, scared, worried, grateful, overwhelmed, every feeling you could imagine, but I am 100% certain that I am not walking this journey alone. I have a wonderful support group, my family is amazing, and God never leaves me.
I have always said that circumstances that aren’t easy to process, that may cause trauma, and that may be unfinished, are meant to be shared.
Someone needs to hear exactly what you’re feeling to give them the courage and stamina to keep going. We may never know why things happen the way they do, but we can be sure that God isn’t surprised. Allowing Him to carry you through the seemingly impossible battles creates an amazing journey of faith that only strengthens your relationship with the Lord and for that, you can always be profoundly grateful.
